Going East & Slightly Crazy

I met a boy and I met a man.

I met the man first.

I was sitting beneath the Tree in the Square on a root, upside down with my nose in Raul’s notes when an older Tyen gentleman came across me and decided to encourage a conversation by simply standing there until I said hello. We chattered a bit as I sat on the ground and when he mentioned he knew some magic, I sat up.

I really need to stop being impressed by that.

I met the boy next.

I was eating in the Wraith and picking on Heahstan about his hair (which is very similar to mine) and his arrogance when another redhead appeared with bright blue eyes and a charming smile. Later on, he fell on top of me and accidentally grabbed my chest, which made us both blush, so I stood really close to him for the rest of the night.

Junaal and Cylan; and now I’m not a virgin and I feel fairly dirty, despite having just taken a bath. Cylan wanted me to be his girlfriend…but I don’t know how to be a girlfriend. I think I was only upset because Cylan reminds me of Pa when he's happy. He curls up with me on a couch and holds me close and smiles really nicely and gives sweet kisses like Raul described Pa and Ma used to, like Pa used to tell stories about and even did a few times before Ma got really bad.

I got upset...and I ran away.

I fell down and talked to Causa until Junaal showed up...

And Junaal is a problem. For me, anyhow. I can't say no, or be mean or shout at him like I do other people. I can't pull away and be grumpy, I just sort of...freeze...He scares me and makes my stomach feel sick and my cheeks feel hot, and he finds it amusing!


...

We spent last night together. I really hope Captain Dryas lets me go East with him. I need to get out of Telantha for a while.